I'm always trying to keep my chin up, not get discouraged, and learn something from it... but sometimes, I just want to whine into my cup of tea while I'm cocooned up in my heated blanket on the couch.
It makes me feel like I'm being a bad witch sometimes. Like, if only I were more receptive of all the good mojo being sent my way, or if I put the right combination of crystals under my bed, or some other neo-nonsense that I'd be okay. But I'm not.
I get up each morning and choke down my ever growing pile of prescriptions and I just want it to go away, I want something to blame for it. I'm only human after all.
Why is it that I'm so good at helping others, when I can't even help myself? There's got to be a lesson in this somewhere, but I'll be damned if I have the patience to find it today.
Recently I was talking to a dear friend about my daydream of going boar hunting this summer (more on that later). I didn't think much of it at the time, it was such a passing comment - but later, he expressed utter confusion. He pointed out that one minute I'm talking about some Amazonian spearhunting nonsense, and the next, I'm struggling to climb stairs. He just couldn't even wrap his head around it. Here's the problem - The inside me is always having a battle of wills with my body. My skeleton might be eating itself, but I still want to climb mountains, and run marathons, and shoot arrows, and stab things with pointy sticks. Will I be able to? Who knows. Am I going to try? Hell yes.
Will it be ill advised? Well... I'll report back if I get eaten by boars because my knee crapped out at an inopportune moment.
I guess I just feel a little discouraged today.
I'm never going to sit down and give up though. (Actually, can I do my not giving up while sitting?) Perhaps that's the lesson - persevere. Keep pushing. Keep trying. Don't give up. Keep making Vandal call me stubborn because I push through the pain to do the grocery shopping instead of just letting him to it for me. If I give up, the pain wins, and I'm not willing to lose the battle yet.
Besides, I have Vicodin on my side.
*This blog post brought to you by the manufacturers of Vicodin, and in spite of the war on drugs that wants to treat me like crap for needing it.